Growing up in a beautiful north african country : Tunisia ; that despite its great development in women's rights, still has a long journey to go through and battles to win; i heard these misconceptions and comments on a daily basis told to males:
"Men don't cry, man up, stop acting like a woman , you're too skinny to be a guy, take it like a man, you're wearing PINK?!!.. "
This social issue hidden in those phrases is toxic masculinity. In fact, it's a cultural concept of manhood that glorifies strength, violence and dominance, that does no good for both women and men. Let's dive into its aspects and be prepared to fight it out.
The traditional gender classification divided women and men into 2 stereotypes : a feminine and a masculine one. Women are supposed to stay quiet , be dependent, passive and very easily influenced or controlled. On the other hand , men are the active side of the society, they must be dominant, tough and even agressive. So my friend, if you're heterosexual, athletic, strong or at least you pretend to be, and the only woman you respect is your momma congratulations you're a ” REAL” man according to them.
Actually, our society equates both masculinity and femininity with superficial and unattainable characteristics that feel like a burden.
Try calling a guy “less of a man” or ”not a man” and watch how aggressive and defensive his reaction is. This is explained by how society always uses the word man in an approbative way and a woman in a pejorative one .This is where ”boys will be boys” came from, a sexist term that i totally dislike. It basically says that guys are never held accountable for their deeds. Such toxic myths implement the wrong idea of masculinity more and more.
Even though guys are in a lot of cases preveliged, such stereotypical and repressive ideas put a lot of pressure on them too since it's promoting an unhealthy and unrealistic image of manliness .
By now, you're probably wondering how we can ditch this narrow and repressive concept. Well, i need to insure that it's implemented in the mentality of millions of humans from a young age which makes the fight harder but totally worth it.
A lot of guys especially celebrities are embracing their feminine side. we espire that images like these will be a daily matter not a social taboo. One of the guys who are going outside of the box is Harry Styles, and the directionner in me is definitely fangirling right now. The gentleman stated in an interview with Teen vogue that “I think there’s so much masculinity in being vulnerable and allowing yourself to be feminine, and I’m very comfortable with that”.
Here's your reminder that feeling feminine doesn't decrease your masculinity. And vice versa because the gender norms are themselves weak and pointless .
However, despite the love and appreciation these guys are receiving, the amount of hate and shade is scary. Society might find Harry, Timothée or any other celebrity wearing a lace blouse aestheticly pleasing and even artsy. But when a random guy do the same, his deed is considered shameful. And in some horrible scenarios he will get beaten up, insulted and even raped. This is the ugly truth. I'd love to get into their minds, may i understand why someone enjoying peacefully his life is that annoying.
To be completely honest here, I don't see the point in labeling ourselves and restricting our freedom. If you identify yourself as a man, you can cry (you should actually, scientifically speaking), still enjoy painting your nails and feeling feminine. And no, they fooled you, this won't make you less of a man. This is for women too, who are sick of being called a tomboy, a lesbian or a man for wearing baggy clothes. This is exactly what's wrong with our society.
We need to normalize the uncanny, the different and the odd. The change comes from within, we should shut off the judgmental voices in our minds and choose love over hate and tolerance over discrimination. If we, one day, stop judging each other it'll turn to heaven on earth.
Meanwhile, ditch the gender boxes and enjoy your life.
See you in the next article.
By Arij Ouechtati
Ressources :
Harry's interview :
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